Baby talk:)

The other day I was in a flight, and sitting behind me was a young man with his one and a half year old kid. Here is an abstract of the conversation that took place between the two of them:

Kid: " Daddy I wanna wiieoooooo..."

Daddy: "You want to sit near the window? Okay.

Kid: "Daddy mamimeeeemmaa..."

Daddy: "Okay mama will sit with you."

Kid: "Geeeeeeen..."

Daddy: "Yes I am wearing a green shirt."

Kid: "Haeeeloooopen..."

Daddy: "Yes son, this is an aeroplane."

Quite interesting, and so very touching in its own way - I couldn't help but eavesdrop :)

Being thankful

Life means different things to different people, we all know that. Often, when I am sad about something, I keep telling myself that there are people who are worse off, and I should be thankful for what I have. I am sure we all do this. The difference is, we do it for things like money, love, family, education, job etc. We don't realise there is something very basic which we should be thankful to God for...for being the way we are.

The other day, I saw this girl at a wedding function. She had no leg calves - no legs beyond her knees. But she walked on her knees, not on a wheel chair. While sitting, she appeared like any other pretty girl there. But when she stood up....in a moment, I realised I have much more to thank God for. This girl seemed happy with life, even with the handicap that life had bestowed on her! Why should I then complain about not being able to do things that I want to....

Every action counts

I learnt driving in 2004. But I could not really drive until 2007. For the three years in between, I was low on confidence, after having hit my brother's car against a pavement during a practice session. After that, every time my hands went behind the wheel, they shivered.

But there was this friend, a colleague, who always urged me to start driving again. It seemed to me that she was more confident than I was about my driving (only later I got to know that she was praying for her life when she sat beside me for the first time). One day, she said, "Fauzia you have to drive today, and I am going to sit with you and see that you don't give up in the middle". I don't know why this was so important for her...after all we were just colleagues. Anyway, that day I drove on the main road for the first time, and with her constant encouragement, I regained my confidence. It was almost like a realisation (I am writing another piece on 'realisation')...it felt like I was re-born! No I am serious! I didn't know it was that easy.

Sometimes my friends tell me I drive well (okay, forget the challans for a moment...). Everytime I hear that, I think about my friend.

We can make a big difference in peopls's lives by doing small things. Yes, every action counts...

To be or not to be...

Indecisiveness is my forte:)

The other day, I was driving at a reasonable speed, when I approached a traffic light that was green. As soon as I was about to cross it, the light turned orange. (Now in the last few months, I have developed good relations with the traffic cops. They send me a challan every month, without fail, and I go to the court to pay it, only after watching an inspiring movie on violation of traffic rules). In a split second, memories of all my past challans flashed across my mind, and I wondered whether I should cross the light or stop. It was a matter of life (no challan) and death (inspiring movie...). Finally, in the 9th millisecond, I 'decided' to put the brakes. Only, the biker behind me wasn't prepared for this. He banged hard against my car and when I looked back, I could see a face so astonished, as if wondering "You really did that??" Even though I suffered more damages than him, it was me who was feeling really sorry...

The irony is, when I see others being indecisive, it is very easy for me to help them take a decision. Some time back, a friend was going through a bad time. I went out for coffee with her one day, and listened to all the issues she was facing. It was clear to me that she did not really have any problem in life other than the fact that she was not taking a decision. I told her exactly this, and I even told her what decision she should take!:)

A few days later, I met my friend again. She said that because of my advice that day she actually took a decision and was happy about it...

Now why is it so difficult to apply that to myself??

Just a thought...

Sometimes its good to feel like a fool. It probably means that you aren't one...anymore:)

Life is....Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday...
Why is 80% of our lives wasted in working, mostly for money....

Its not road rage

I have become mean. It’s a shocking revelation for me, for I have always believed in being good to others. Okay, to most people.

Does this happen with you too? With time, as you cross various milestones in life, you forget what you have left behind. Okay, let’s get to the point. For example, I often find myself fretting about pedestrians and rickshwallas on the road. I wonder why they can’t just be on a side and let the cars go by. Why can’t people see the car coming…it almost seems like they appear in front of you from nowhere! Why can’t the rickshawalla be faster? Doesn’t he realize people have to reach their office on time?

Very often when a man comes in front of me and I have to apply the brakes, I can’t help but say “Can’t you see?” I am not getting into whose fault it is.

The point is, I have started driving only recently. Till almost a year back, I too was often a pedestrian, or a rickshaw passenger. Then, my reactions were different. I would wonder why people can’t drive sanely. Do they think the road belongs to them? What about us pedestrians? Don’t they care about lives? Once a car had even hit my rickshaw and I had fallen on the ground, not before cursing the driver wholeheartedly.

So why have I become mean now? I keep asking myself that almost everyday.

Language matters

I went to this kitchenware shop today with my mother. We had to buy a new stove. There were two new models displayed of a particular brand. My mother liked both and was confused (as always) so she asked the sales girl her opinion. "Which one do you think is better?". The reply was "Ma'am vaise dono mein se to, both are better." For a moment I was confused too - I thought I hadn't heard her properly. But I realised soon what she meant. She was doing her job. But did she realise what she had just said?

I don't intend to sound snooty, but I can get very pernickety when it comes to these things. How can people not take language seriously? Its not about English or Hindi, its merely about saying it right. I really respect people who speak well, speak correctly - be it English, Hindi, Punjabi, Gujarati, Urdu etc. It doesn't matter. Well spoken words convey much about the speaker.

Its a different matter that when Aamir Khan says "Apna bad luck kharaab hai" one doesn't really mind:)

We learn so much about others
by peeping inside ourselves...

Only, sometimes we refuse to acknowledge it.

Childhood reminds me of...

...of afternoon storytime with ma, lying down on the floor
playing badminton with papa in the evenings
going to school on a bicycle with my sis
annual summer trips to nani's place,
making mud-houses with cousins...

getting 'Poppins' from papa after those painful injections
the monthly pocket-money of Rs. 10
'Chitrahaar' on Wednesdays, and
'Ramayan' and 'Stoneboy' on Sundays...

Kolkata's narrow streets, Newmarket and Esplanade
the monthly trips to second-hand book stalls
tram rides with mum...

Sunday crosswords with papa
the painting classes with my sis (I only drew parrots)
sports day in school, the umbrella drill
teaching ma how to play rummy...

making Christmas cookies at a friend's place
bursting crackers at another's on diwali...

Just like that...

Life will be the way we make it
Your sadness wont go, unless you break it….

Somebody gave a good explanation about being agnostic. It means that you don’t care if there is any God. Not only that, it also means that you take complete responsibility of your own life, for your actions, for your joys as well as pain. You never blame God, coz there is none. I think this is commendable.

Goa, my heaven on earth

This blog comes a bit late; nevertheless, the feeling is same. I can easily say, the three days that I spent in Goa were my happiest this year. I had been wanting (yearning) to visit the place for the past two years; but that was not the reason of my happiness, as I had expected. I am not sure which one factor made it the most memorable for me; I think it was a combination of amazing (!!!) weather, good company (happy friends) and some thrill in the form of (motor) biking thrown in.

We hardly slept, but it did not matter. We were determined to make the best of the time that we had, enjoy to the hilt and just let go! It was almost like we were sentenced to death and those were the only three days we had before we would be hanged:)…may be that is an extreme view, but its difficult (impossible) to express the feeling of freedom in those ‘three complete’ days with friends, in an incredibly beautiful piece of land on this earth! It is not just the visual beauty though; Goa is breathtaking in its totality, an experience inexpressible in words…

We hadn’t planned riding bikes in the rain, but we got lucky. There were some 10 of us, two on each bike. It is easy to hire bikes in Goa; it is the key mode of private transport in the state. It was exhilarating to ride a bike without being bothered by the traffic! We were following each other, and whenever one lost sight of the other, we all stopped to make sure everyone was safe – this team spirit was another touching aspect of the trip (you don’t see it everyday at work:)).

The day we reached, we didn’t waste a minute at the hotel. We arranged for the bikes and headed straight towards Kolva beach in South Goa (North Goa would have taken us longer to reach as we were staying in the South). Midway, we stopped at a roadside shop (hut) to click some pictures, and ask for directions. The sight of Kolva beach appearing in front of us was heavenly…divine! It was dusk when we reached there, perfect time for a silent walk across the beach. After a few moments of solitude, we decided to hang out at a nearby shack. Hungry and tired, but happy and calm, we all settled down at the biggest table there, ordered some food and drinks and started clicking pictures again. The lighting there was dim, and one could hear the sound of waves at the beach – rising and falling, hitting the shore and retreating, only to come back. There was a band playing in the shack, and a guy who sang so well that when he started with “I just called to say I Love you”, we actually turned to see if it was Stevie Wonder singing:)! Hmm, what more do you want in life…

There was more of the beach and bikes over the next two days, we just couldn’t get enough of it. The sound of the waves, it makes you feel so insignificant; it makes you think “What am I running after…it is right here…”

Why is simplicity so complicated?

Chak de India...really?

Yes, I have seen Chak de, and like the majority, I am impressed by the movie. I have always been a SRK fan, and it gives me great pleasure to see the so-called SRK 'critics' silenced by the star's remarkable performance in the movie.

While the essence of the movie is team spirit, another notable aspect is how team India's victory in the women's hockey world cup does not seem like a far-fetched idea. The public nowdays does not ridicule those who have such dreams, thanks to Sania Mirza. We all are proud of her. In the movie hall, the ambience was tense before the last penalty hit of the game. It might as well have been the sight at a hockey ground. Yes, we are proud to be Indians, and it shows.

But beneath the layers of our pride, is an Indian who is ashamed to be one. There was this man sitting next to me with his 6 year (I think) old kid. After almost every dialogue in the movie, the kid would ask his father "Papa what is he saying?". The doting dad would then translate it into English and expalin it to the kid. What an irony! We are proud to be Indians - or are we?

Thought

Why do we wish so much
when we don't even live
Its true, we only breathe...

Trapped eternally in futile beliefs
we have stopped listening to the heart
Each one wants to be the best
and the 'best' is not defined

Have we lost the passion somewhere
to extricate life, every moment?
Is God a strict daddy
who punishes us for loving?
And who has created rules
that are different across boundaries....

So then who decides the rules?
You, me or 'them'...?

Its simple, to be happy
if only we let ourselves be....

Amazing quote

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” - Rumi

Without you...

The most beautiful day of my life is as vivid in my mind as nature after rains. Those three hours….how I wish my entire life could be wrapped up in that time. The walk along Camelback Road, getting wet in the drizzle, stopping by to have tea….simple things in life. Each moment was happier than the previous one….if there is heaven anywhere, it was then, there. In a crowded, hilly town in north India, this long stretch of road starts right in the middle of the mall road. And thereafter, the experience is totally different. I started walking expecting it to be a long, humdrum walk. I was pleasantly surprised very soon….happy to be unproven.

The road is literally shaped like a camel’s back, and hence its name. The curve never ends, atleast till I walked it didn’t. It was August, and rains kept the weather cool and mushy. There were three exquisite phases of my walk. In the first, I met a sweet little fellow, a week old (won’t explain how I knew that) white pup, shivering under a tree. I stopped when I saw him; we gazed into each other’s eyes for a while, and then I wondered what to do (am very scared of dogs, especially pups!). Unsure, I kept on walking, faster this time. Soon I came across a small tea shop. The owner’s kids were only too happy to know about the creature, and ran before I could say ‘pup’. I stayed there for a while, had tea sitting on a dilapidated bench overlooking the mountains….what a sight! The only thing I missed then was music…..that lay a little ahead.

In the second phase of my walk, I met a young man playing guitar. Perhaps he was as much in awe as me, atleast that is what his music conveyed. Another break for me; I sat down and drowned in melody for the next few minutes. As I got up to leave, I thanked the young man, said a few words in appreciation of his talent, and, moved on.

The third phase was a quick visit (?) to an old graveyard. It was eerie, standing there in silence, in front of the main gate that was locked. Yes, humans are not allowed there anymore (we are not trusted here also, shame on us!). Only one thought comes to my mind when I think about a graveyard…..papa. Well, how ironic that moment was….so enchanting, and at the same time, so poignant.

Alas! I had to turn back, go back to the place I was staying at. I started walking with a heavy heart, gloomy at the thought of losing those moments, ecstatic to have gained blissful memories for a lifetime! But the most wonderful part of my short journey was…that I wasn’t alone. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.

Empathy - do you have it?

There is one thing good about me that I know for sure - I can empathize. Yes I am being immodest, and I am not ashamed. In my 27 years of life, I have learnt that if people in this world have an iota more of empathy, there will be more peace around. And I am not talking about empathy with the poor and needy. No, I am talking about things much less significant, but which can have a gargantuan impact on our lives.

No, empathy is not about saying "I understand", its about understanding, and sometimes about saying "I know I can't understand, but I will try". There is a diference. Empathy is never negative. So, for instance, your best friend hasn't called you for three months and you think "She doesn't want to speak to me, she has changed". This is not empathy, its just the opposite infact:)

When you empathize, you don't judge people; you put yourself in their shoes. You don't have preconceived notions, you don't jump to conclusions without knowing the truth, and in the process, you hurt yourself a little less, because you know the other person did not intend to hurt you. Its very basic - nothing complicated. However, on most occasions, people have unbending beliefs that they prefer to stick to, unaware of the fact that life does not hold the same meaning for every individual. What you see as red, might not be red for someone else. What works for you, might not work for someone else. What the other person has gone through, you might never experience in your entire life, unless, you empathize.

Empathize with people you know- it precludes misunderstandings. Empathize with strangers, you will evolve as a human being when you are able to understand their needs, feel it the way they do. Before you have any unconstructive thought, spare a moment to think - "Are there any other possibilities?" In most cases, there will be.

Its not very difficult, is it?

Indebted for Life!

No, this is not a romantic post:) Nor does it talk about spirituality. It is simply about friends - friends, hard to find, harder to keep (?)

I have often wondered whether I am a 'good' friend for my friends. Then I think, after all what is a good friend?? Am I as good as my friend? Its tough...very often my evaluation criteria are not the same as those used by my friends:) I know I know, you never 'evaluate' friends....but, well, I did not get a better word (don't tell me you have never 'evaluated' a friend???)

But one thing I know, is that just like lovers, you need to 'connect' with you friends. Difficult to explain...all I can say is that it comes from within. Either you feel it (that you connect with your friend) or you don't...and you will know almost immediately in both cases.

Coming back to the title of this post, I am going to mention a few friends (no names!) to whom I am indebted for life (serious!) because of one or more incident(s) which touched my heart. Indebted for life means that nothing else matters....we are friends forever, no matter how much we fight. With these friends, I just know that i will never lose touch, even if we talk once a year. I know that they will always be there for me, and me for them. There will be moments of disappointment/hurt, for me or them, but something inside will tell you almost instantly - "are you crazy?..." And then you will just laugh it off....

Friend A, a very close friend, also a guide and philosopher. I truly believe she and I were either sisters or mother and daughter in my pevious life! Its strange how there are times when I am really upset with her, and the next moment I feel like just hugging her and telling her its okay, I am sorry (irrespective of whose fault it is/was::))! So here is why I am indebeted to her - she was with me in my lowest moment in life till date. The difference is, she was with me BY CHOICE. While the phase lasted several months, there was this particular day which comes to my mind always. I was desparate, broken, shattered, sitting alone in a park and crying my heart out when she called to find out where I was. She knew why I was there, and she knew there was no hope. But she gave it to me - hope. Before my tears were dry, she was there, beside me, comforting me. In those few moments I truly believed my destiny will change, God will be kinder, everything will be fine. The pain lessened, almost immediately. Only now do I realise, that I REALLY needed her with me that day....and, then, she knew it more than me. Thank you friend, you are the only person who provides me support without knowing about it:)....

Friend B is this friend whom I love to hate:) Whenever we talk, we almost end up fighting. Clearly, there are very few similarities between us...yet we have been friends for almost 17 years now! We have hurt each other, fought, cried and made up...and the friendship has only grown to be stronger. I would have thought it was sheer miracle..but for a few instances that have sealed our friendship forever! She refused to believe my excuses on holi (that pissed me off like nothing can...I would shout at her from my balcony and she would just smile, waiting for me to come down...and I did!!!) She is one person on whom I can take out all my frustration when I am angry, and the next day we will be back to cracking silly jokes:). Thanks buddy, life wouldn't be same without you...

Friend C is an intellectual. Whenever I think about her I feel that is how I would want my daughter to be someday:)..(oh, difficult task its gonna be!!). She is a chatter box, a little kid who has grown up to become a strategy consultant. At work, we would constantly fight about the airconditioner - she had a permanent cold and wanted it off all the time! I always thought that she was too practical, not as sensitive as I would want her to be.....till one day I got a greeting card from her. This was also during that phase of my life where I talked about Friend A. I had spoken to her, told her what was going on....and was a bit disappointed when I did not hear many comforting words from her. Then a few days later I got this card....from what she had written, I thought no one could understand it the way she did....that made such a difference. Truly, words can do what actions never ever can (and she has anyways mastered this art!). And who sends cards by post these days??? In her own way, she was there for me....thank you my kiddo pal:)

Friends D, E and F - this is a gang. They will never leave you! For almost two years, they tried to get in touch with me...called me, mailed me and wanted to meet me...but I refused. At times, I was curt, and told them I don't feel like meeting anyone (same phase of my life...). They understood, gave me space, let me be...waited for me to come back to them. I took my time, but finally one day I came out of my self-created cocoon, and really felt like meeting them....and it did not take the three of them a second to say yes. I was expecting many questions when we met....but nothing. No explanations, no answers to awkward questions...we met like old school friends meet after 10 long years! What an amazing feeling....I feel blessed to have you as friends!

There are some other such examples, can't mention all of them here. Happy to have so many friends (friends are always good, I have realised....others are not friends)!! Life is bliss...just to know you guys are there:)

man's search for meaning (Victor Frankl)

another book, another blog....

well, this one is based on experiences in a concentration camp during the holocaust. funny, but i had been searching for a long time, for a book that would describe in details what prisoners at Austwitch went through. this quest for info started after reading Vikram Seth's Two Lives. The book touches upon Hitler and the holocaust, but not in details.

Victor talks about his own experiences, various phases that a prisoner goes through in the camp and how, with increasing anguish, he hardens towards life. there are moments when one feels one has risen above all the pain that life can inflict upon you. the transformation from a rational human being to a near-animal like being is smooth, given the intensity of pain (both mental and physical). and then, it stops hurting (mentally and physically....). yes its the same world, where babies sleep in their mothers' laps, where little girls play with their dads, families have meals together and lovers talk about being in heaven. strange, that in the same world, there are atrocities such as these, that can shake a man like nothing can (not even death...).

stranger is the fact, that it is man who has created these varied facets of life.......

one story narrated by Victor remains in my mind.....there was a man at the camp who once dreamt that he will be free on March 31st. he believed it completely, and started looking forward to his freedom...life with his family, no pain....

March 31st came, and he was still there..at the camp. so much he had hoped, that the disappointment of his dream not coming true killed him....he breathed his last that day....finally free.

How much do we hope...?